Daily rambles about quilting, gardening, reading, cooking and just plain old being.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Gratitude and Contentment

I've been staring at the blinking cursor trying to start this post for almost 10 minutes. For someone who always seems to have too many words, sometimes when something is "near and dear" to me I have a hard time articulating it.

My title is "Gratitude and Contentment," so maybe rather than striving for something eloquent I should just try to explain the title.

Sunday when we brought these two babies home was a long day. We were busy all day and dirty and tired at the end. We rolled out of bed that day and got to work. That morning we hung the barn door that would protect the that goats night, put a latch on the inner door, and scrambled to pick up and make ready one stall for them. We then went to meet M and her family (I don't use folks' names for privacy sake) and their herd of goats. We were impressed with the lovely family and the lovely herd. After a quick trip to the feed store for hay and such, we took home our two babies.

The first two days they were here I wasn't. School kept me away most of Monday and 13 hours on Tuesday. My hubs had the care of them and they bonded. Since he went to work Wednesday I've taken care of them myself and we have bonded too.

Despite getting up much earlier than I am accustomed to and working basically from sun-up to sun-down and beyond I feel amazingly great and well and healthy....for the first time in months I feel like "myself" again. I'm tired with just the kind of tired that comes from doing something you love. It isn't that bone-weary, hopeless, exhaustion that has haunted me, but a simple tired. I open the barn doors about 7:20 and I close the girls in about 7:20 and in between I take care of the house, the yard, the garden, the dog, the schoolwork, and myself.

Today, as I sat with them in the pasture (that is another story), they had exhausted themselves from two hours of browsing and plopped down to chew their cud and I marked the place in my book and just watched them awhile. I marveled at how content they were to just lie down in the shade and chew their cud, eyes half closed. And musing on how content they appeared, I realized that I felt pretty content too and it has been a long time since I felt that kind of calm happiness.

I mentioned that I was feeling well too and I don't know if the iron supplements are finally kicking in and I just feel better because of that OR if I'm finally starting to "live the dream" as it were.....because you know, I just want to be a farmer. Even though I'm still plugging away at my thesis and classwork it feels very pointless and useless when I compare it to the "work" I do here at home. So, maybe I'm just feeling more well because I'm doing the job I've wanted to do for awhile...I feel like I have a purpose again.

Now, here's the gratitude part....I once told my husband that I don't daydream much and I didn't for a long time. I guess somewhere along the line I just decided that dreaming about things that weren't going to happen was too much of a let down and I just stopped. But since we moved to Owl Tree Farm into our forever house, I've begun dreaming again and even though I know that many of the dreams won't ever happen some of them are becoming reality and I have my hubs to thank for that. The hubs is the kind of guy that makes things happen...he dreams it, plans it, and does it. He has allowed me to dream of being a farm-girl and has allowed me to BE a farm-girl. He encourages my gardening and my sewing and my BEING in ways that nourish my soul. I don't guess I've ever told him in quite that way, but he allows me to be me and encourages me to dream.

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