I had something like my 19th nervous meltdown this morning....finally dried my tears and decided to get busy...I opened my email to find this message waiting for me from the Brave Girls Club (www.bravegirlsclub.com).
Thursday, March 10, 2011
On Sadness, Hope, and Perseverance
Last night I searched for jobs...found a posting that was a possibility...Considered all the angles...went to bed thinking I would quit grad school, apply for the job, and just get on with it, but this morning....I woke up waffling, questioning, fearing, unsure all over again about what I want to do when I grow up. I can jokingly say this is a mid-life crisis, but it seems a little less of a joke these days....it feels serious....I have too many questions and not enough answers and if you know me well I have issues with depression and the inability to make decisions is part of that for me. I feel pointless and without purpose and simply unsure about almost everything save my hubs and family. I've come to realize that while I am a decidedly sad person, I am generally a hopeful person...seems like those two things would drown each other out, but they don't. I plant seeds and find hope even when it doesn't work out. I have hope the next year, and the next, I don't give up, but yet that is all I want to do right now: just.give.up.