Stop Grasping for Control of the Uncontrollable

I've been having some issues just letting go and going with the flow...though that is what I want to do in my heart, I'm just a little too controlling to really let it happen. I'm especially having trouble with my schedule at work, but it bleeds into my whole world; the errands, the chores, the duties and obligations....I feel pulled in too many directions because I can't just let some things go....

I found the following typed and saved as a Word document, so clearly at some point I thought it applicable to my life. I had forgotten about it and as usual, just when I needed to be reminded that I cannot control everything, there it was to remind me.

From Yoga Journal:

Every morning repeat a gatha (mindfulness verse):

"Great is the matter of birth and death; impermanence surrounds us. Be awake each moment; do not waste your life."

The article went on to say: "Life doesn't give you breathing room, but if you stop grasping for control of the uncontrollable, you can learn to breathe through it all."

What will the neighbors think?

Cataract Canyon
(Archives)

I will never forget the awesome power of the water which was frigid even as it ran through the desert of the Utah. The nights were warm and lit by a full moon, the quiet almost perfect except for the constant running of the river heading homeward to the sea.

Even now I am awed by the memory of the places I’ve walked, accessible to so few. Each year I try to find a way to travel to a location with the power to remove me from civilization. A place that strips away societal constraints and accepted norms and allows me to behave, think, and feel without regard for society; to act, to live without wondering, “What will the neighbors think?”

I don't know when I wrote this...before I was married for sure. Obviously when I was still a little hung up, I guess. The truth of the matter is: I don't care what the neighbors (or anyone else for that matter) think anymore and that has been coming on for awhile. Thanks to Ian Moore for shaking some of it loose....listening to my iPod on two seperate occasions (both on airplanes) I heard Ian Moore's song "Society" from Modernday Folklore

I've been really trying to get some peace of mind
but the world just keeps on spinning and I'm starting to unwind.

Teachers teaching children to go out and get their own
They forget about their hearts, they forget about their soul.

And it's hard to convince yourself, when your life's been gauged by power and wealth, spend your whole life trying to break free from this society.

So I climb up to a higher place where I'm not blinded by tradition or ruled by any race.

But the system always pulls me down
Can't stand to see me free
throws me right back in the masses
says that where you're gonna be

Still dream a dream of humanity, somewhere a world exists, softly turned phrases and melodies of bliss

Painted in a picture of violets and blues, stolen from the moment when I first encountered truth

Yeah, or something like that....that's how I'm singing it in my head anyway. (Sorry Ian).
I'm really tired of trying to be something that I'm not. Considering how long ago I wrote the above piece about Cataract I guess this has been lurking for awhile. Funny, how things are called up by songs, or even lines in songs.